4 Tips to Not YELL AT YOUR RELATIVES on Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is supposed to be about gratitude but for many people seeing family can heighten tension and nerves (and seeing them on Zoom doesn’t necessarily make it any easier).
It’s easy to fall back into the patterns of your childhood and find yourself arguing with siblings or parents.
Here are a few helpful tips to respond thoughtfully, ease stress, and deescalate arguments.
1. ACKNOWLEDGE AND VALIDATE
When you feel your blood pressure rising and your voice getting louder, try this technique:
Stop the conversation and say:
“I want to take a moment and acknowledge we have different viewpoints. It makes sense you feel that way.”
Acknowledging other people's reality is the quickest way to end an argument.
Note, this doesn’t mean you agree, but it does give each person permission to feel the way they feel.
Mastering this technique can be the difference between a holiday meal filled with arguing and virtual food fights, or friendly dinner conversation.
2. ADVANCE PREPARE FOR THE DREADED QUESTION
Your mother, aunt, grandparent is not asking you those questions to torture you, despite what it might feel like. They care about you, and are interested in what you’re doing, and unfortunately that sometimes shows up in the form of interrogating questions.
How’s your job search?
How’s business?
How’s single life?
Answer with something simple like “It continues” and pivot by asking them a question.
3. REFRAME THE SITUATION
If you go in planning to have a bad time, chances are you’ll have a bad time. So if you’re feeling uneasy about Thanksgiving dinner, how can you reframe the situation?
Is it an exercise to practice tolerance, use your best listening skills, fancy dinner and drinks?
4. USE I STATEMENTS:
When you feel yourself getting defensive, try to steer clear of “You’re stressing me out" or "You’re pissing me off” and use this formula:
I feel ________________(emotion) when you __________________ (do this action).
It removes some of the finger pointing and allows everyone to take responsibility for how they’re feeling.