4 strategies to stop arguing with your team

Below are 4 communication strategies that I wish were in every employee handbook.

1. ACKNOWLEDGE AND VALIDATE

Imagine this scene:

Your Account Manager comes to your desk (or messages you on Slack) at 12:30pm to check on the deck that was due at noon. It’s not done and it’s pretty clear that you’re going to miss the 3pm client deadline.

Account Manager says: “It’s late. This was supposed to be finished at noon.”

You answer: “We didn’t have enough time and we can’t show it because it’s not approved.”

Things go downhill from there.

Sound familiar? I’ve been in this exact situation dozens of times.

Imagine if you instead answered: “It makes sense you’re nervous because clients look to you when things are late.”

2. PREPARE FOR THE TOUGH QUESTIONS IN ADVANCE

If you anticipate that your teammates or your boss are going to ask tough questions, prep for them ahead of time.

Here are few questions that often come up at the end of a presentation:

  • How are you going to build that?

  • We love it, can we see the next round tomorrow?

  • It’s not quite what we’re looking for, can we see 6 more options tomorrow?

  • How much will it cost?

Plan out your answers ahead of time.

If the project is going to cost 5 million dollars and the budget is 2 million you might want to have a few speaking points prepared about why it’s worth the extra investment.

3. REFRAME THE SITUATION

If you go into a presentation or a meeting thinking it’s going to be terrible, chances are good that it will be a waste of time.

If you think of those meetings as an opportunity to show off your best skills, get creative, and collectively brainstorm, it will probably be more fun (and make your whole team look good).

Designers, your account or project manager is not asking you how it’s going because they want to drive you nuts. There’s a lot of business on the line and they have clients breathing down their neck. Think about how you can help them do their job better and the information you would want in their shoes.

And project managers, your designers aren’t ignoring you because they are ignoring your project. They’re working on it, along with the 10 other projects on their list. How can you help them prioritize?

4. USE I STATEMENTS

When you feel yourself getting defensive, try to steer clear of accusations like “You’re stressing me out" and use this formula:

I feel ________________(emotion) when you __________________ (do this action).

Going back to the example presented in Tip #1, this might sound like:

"I feel nervous when the deck is only 30% done and it’s due tomorrow."

It removes some of the finger pointing and allows all parties to take responsibility for how they’re feeling.

Want more help navigating the murky waters of difficult conversations? Download 4 Skills to Master Tricky Conversations.

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